Infidelity Trauma & Gaining Your Confidence Back

Hello my beautiful Goddess,

Thank you for taking the time to read this post!!

This one is a tough one for obvious reasons. I was currently watching the Keeping Up With The Kardashians reunion episode, and Andy Cohen brought up the topic of cheating amongst the women. There was something in the way that one of the questions was answered that triggered me completely.

In case you didn't know Khloe Kardashian has not had a lot of luck in the relationship department. When Andy asks her about the cheating scandal her response to it was not what hit home the most, it was her response to another question about being confident. She went on and said how the show and fame had contribute to her ups and downs with self confidence. To what I say that might partly be true, being under that kind of scrutiny must affect you in one way or another. But I just kind of wished that she would have been a little more honest and really said what we all are too scared to admit,  "it was the cheating that destroyed my self confidence".

She gave the rehearsed response any woman that has been cheated on gives. I wanted my baby to have a father, I wanted him to be there, I wanted a family, I wanted to make it work. Why would he got through the trouble of all that if he wasn’t serious? The majority of women that have been victim to infidelity have made some sort of excuse to stay and "make it work". I myself have given the same exact response.

So what is it? When it comes to infidelity, why do we always stay? What makes us take our self value and throw it out the window? Was it how we were raised? Is it society pressure? So many questions that only you can answer. Me personally, I stayed in a relationship where I was cheated on constantly because he was my first love. I thought that if I stayed and fought for that love he would respect me and love me eventually. That never happened, so I decided to love myself and respect myself and left him. I fell in love again with someone new, loved in a different way, but the outcome was the same.

Being cheated on is one of the most damaging things that you can do to a woman. The psychological trauma it causes is one that can ruin any future relationship. The healing you have to do is one that can take years. I know I felt unworthy, like something was wrong with me. I felt unlovable. I didn't feel woman enough. 

So how do you get yourself out of that? How do you gain the confidence to try again? It doesn't always happen overnight. I know it didn't for me. I didn't just wake up one day and said "I'm now over it". I still have moments when I think of my past relationships and think of why? So you're probably wondering what worked for me. 

How did I gain my confidence back? It took a long time for sure, but the first thing I had to do was forgive myself. Forgive myself for loving someone that did not love me. For trying to fix something that was broken. I had to be completely honest with myself and tell myself that I deserved better and accept that he was not the right person for me. I'm not going to lie there were a lot of tears and it was hard to admit I had made a "mistake", but after that my life started to change. I began by doing things that made me HAPPY, I started to really enjoy my life again, then came everything else. I would do something that made me feel good, whether it was singing in the car, having drinks with friends, eating my favorite junk food, doing my make up differently, doing my hair differently, etc. I started doing things that genuinely made me happy. That's how I started to gain my confidence back. I have so many stories about that which I will share on another occasion. 

So moral of the story Goddess, if you are going thru something hard right now. Whether it be a break up, a sudden loss, or just a hard time in general. Smile! You are still here and this life has such great things planned for you. Do things that make you genuinely happy, and make your heart and soul smile. 

Until the next one,